Letting Go
by LiasonFan2
Summary: A Liz Centric will be Siz Liason Lilo AJ,Liz Jax,Liz and a Carly Liz friendship


_This story is completely AU What you really need to know is that Liz was married to AJ and he recently died. Jason and Liz are bestfreinds there will be flashbacks for everything including getting to this very first chapter. This first chapter is very depressing and angsty very dark. This story will be very confusing at first. Couples are still being decided becuase I think this will mainly be a Liz centric story I'm really playing it by chapter so we see. _

_Hope you guys like it_

_**Prologue**_

_The great challenge is to refuse to let the bad things that happen to us do bad things to us. That is the crucial difference between adversity and tragedy._

Elizabeth walked home from the cemetery aimlessly, her boots dragging against the gravel monotonously. She could vaguely hear the scraping of her boots and the car honking at her to get out of the street, but she ignored it all only heard the voices in her head. She had finally reached that point, the point where she just didn't care anymore. She was numb. Her life was empty, filled with painful days and lonely nights and she didn't want to go on..it was too hard. She had often wondered how she had even made it this far, and had concluded that she had simply been going through the motions. It was fairly easy to close yourself off and ignore the outside world, but when you finally stopped and took everything in, it hurt..so much. Reality was her enemy. No matter how hard she tried to avoid it, it always slapped her in the face somehow, whether it was Emily trying to painfully cheer her up or get her to talk about AJ or a drunk Jason stumbling to her house everyday late at night slurring his words saying "How sorry he was"and then climbing into her bed holding her close but yet so far away at the same time.

_Remembering something can be a healthy thing to do, to reminisce, to remember all good things that have passed in your life. Memories can make you smile and make you feel warm and fuzzy inside. But, sometimes tainted...the road is better left untraveled. They make you angry, they make you weep, they make you feel grief even in the most honest of places. Memories can be fond, but they can also be distant,hostile and painful.  
_

_Jason,How I wish _

As she entered her house she heard her grandmother asking her how her day had been. She sighed quietly before forcing a fake smile to her lips. If only her grandmother would stop to look at her, really look, beyond the fake plastered smile and phony words was a lost and terrified girl who desperately wanted to be okay, but was unsure of how to stop herself from wasting away. She was half way up the stairs when she turned back and made her way into the kitchen where her grams was cooking. She cleared her throat nervously and her grams turned to her questioningly.

"Grams, have you ever just felt _so_ overwhelmed-" She wanted to confide in her grams, she really did, but her voice failed her and she looked away sadly.  
"Oh Lizzie, why don't you call Jason and go out and have some fun sweetie you've been moping around since AJ died. I'm sure that'll help relieve some of the stress." Her grandmother's voice was painfully cheerful, her face lighting up with a bright smile, and Elizabeth felt the small amount of hope she possessed die in her instantly. She knew that she should continue on, explain to her grandmother that her sadness went so much deeper, but she just didn't have the strength not anymore. She was utterly exhausted in every way imaginable. So she simply nodded and climbed the stairs to her room one by one, dreading the moment when she would reach her bedroom and be alone once again and utterly empty inside.

_I could talk to him just one more time_

When she reached the top of the stairs she saw her closed door, and involuntary tears sprung to her eyes at the thought of the empty room that awaited her. Once that room had been her safe haven, the place that she could find peace..now it was simply a room, a room that offered her no solace at all. Her room was once full of old haunting happy memories ones she didn't have now only pain so much pain, Without hesitating, Liz entered her grandmother's bedroom quietly going straight to her nightstand. She felt around frantically for the pill bottle she had seen her grandmother go to regularly for as long as she could remember. When her hand finally grasped the full bottle of painkillers she quickly left the room.

It had been hours since Liz had taken her gram's pills and she still sat on the cold tile of her bathroom, staring at the bottle with sad empty eyes. Every time she went to open the bottle an image of Jason would haunt her mind, and she was unable to go through with it. She knew she was a failure, she had accepted it, but the thought of Jason's reaction when he found out shook her to the core. After several more failed attempts, Elizabeth looked at the picture she held in her hands, it was of her, Jason, and AJ sitting on the bench together in the backyard at the Quatermaines for Jason's fifteenth birthday. She ran her fingers over it gently as silent tears cascaded down her face, before finally opening the bottle with trembling hands and placing the contents into her small palm. Taking one last horrifying look at herself in the mirror, she swallowed the pills with a glass of water. Leaning her back onto the bathtub behind her she began to openly weep, clutching the picture to her chest desperately, attempting to imagine the times in her life when she was truly happy and at peace.

_No where to turn no where to go you keep it all inside till it explode's onto the only person that you ever loved but why should you care when he betryed you and broke your heart into pieces. _

_Jason_

Jason entered Elizabeth's house around five after leaving Luke's to offer to take her out for lunch. He knew she was disappointed in him, in the way he'd been living, and he wanted to talk to her..make her understand. He expected to be greeted by her grandmother but she must have gone out, because the house was quiet as he jogged up the stairs two at a time.

_Happiness disappears and all that you can remember is that single bad memory. The single bad memory that changed your life, changed your outlook. You become cautious, yet dominating. A vixen, yet vulnerable. A predator, yet a victim._

"Liz?" He looked around her room searching for any sign of his best friend, but was greeted with silence.

He noticed her bathroom door was shut so he knocked noisily calling out to her once again. He twisted the knob slightly, discovering that it was unlocked. Peeking into the room cautiously, he caught a glimpse of her petite form crumpled on the bathroom floor. Panic surged through his entire body at the sight of her. Her name escaped his lips in a frightened whisper, and he fell onto his knees beside her.

_Doubts feel your heart, never faith, nor trust, nor hope. Only emptiness ensues. The bad memory, in the end, consumes you...consumes you to the point where you don't know who you are anymore. You have people around you, but you feel helplessly and completely alone._

"Elizabeth! Liz, please come on. Answer me!" He shook her frantically, but her body simply lay there limply in his arms. He spotted the empty bottle beside her and he shook his head in disbelief. This was not possible. Elizabeth would never- she could never do _this_. But the reality was..she had, and he would save her.

_He had to. He did this to her. He took AJ away from her.  
_

He took out his cell phone and franticly called 911 for an ambulance and make a silent promise that he would make _eveything_ better for her. Not just for himself but for her he needed her more then anyone. Elizabeth would be alright he would see to it.

_That single bad memory brings hatred. And the hatred destroys you. It destroys to the point where it corrupts you, and ultimately kills you. You didn't know that a bad memory could kill you, huh _


End file.
